Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
