4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
