He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
