This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
