My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
