It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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