I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
