he referred to my room as the tit cave...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
