So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
