I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
