We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
