brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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