my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
