he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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