the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
