I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
