I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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