My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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