Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
