If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
