i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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