I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
