Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
