I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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