youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
