come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
