My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
