It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
