Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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