i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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