I want to walk on stilts...naked
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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