So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
