It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
