i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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