Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
