somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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