make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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