I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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