is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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