Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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