This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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