She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
