and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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