Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
