i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
