I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
