She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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