I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
