I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
