Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
