at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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