I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
