Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
