The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
