also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
