I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
